Date #1: Nathan

September 18, 2021 Date number one actually resulted in a date number two. Nathan and I had been introduced through a long-time friend of my Aunty Shelley. The friend asked me if I was interested in meeting someone she knew, and I said yes. She said he would call. He texted that evening. From there, we engaged in a series of long texts, a bit more than I personally like. Personal topics arose, which I am happy to share, but not via text. I cannot recall most of what I engage in over text. In person, when I'm invested, I will share almost anything. Through our texts, I learned that he was 34 and on the verge of 35 (September like me), an avid reader, a Microsoft employee, and a natural introvert. We also spoke about our complicated family dynamics, which felt very boring over text. In the past, I would have been turned off by an introvert because I was blinded by the charms of the "prom date." A year ago, I wanted only the Russells of the world: fun, alive, charismatic, charming, busy. Now, I understand that the introverts will love you. First date spark is actually something to be wary of. I did not expect first date spark with him, but surprisngly, there was. I had had a few glasses of wine prior because I wasn't sure whether I would be attracted to him, and I wanted to heighten my attractiveness towards him in order to be inclined to give him a chance. This sounds absolutely heinous, I know. I am a recovering shallow person. I am still working on not judging someone from the start based on their appearance. Suffice it to say, I'm no spring chicken myself anymore. When I'm not attracted to a man from the start, I have a hard time maintaing interest. I am aware of this, and trying to change it. I thought the drinks would help. They did. Or, maybe I was simply attracted to him. Period. We had a wonderful time at the Nook in West Seattle. He was incredibly attentive, bringing me wine as needed and even went to my car to get my umbrella when we ended. Throughout the date, we found we had much in common: a love of Hemingway, theater, and a distate for online dating because it retracts from people's willingness to spend time getting to know one another. When he stated that, I thought I had hit the jackpot because that point precisely, I felt, was key to my lack of success in dating at this point. Men, for whatever reason, were not giving me time, not giving me a chance. It takes time for love to grow, and I am not sure whether it is me that they are not taking the time to explore or whether it is the constant options at their fingertips. When I left the first date with Nathan, I felt over the moon. I listened to romantic music on my drive home which was quite different to the way most of my rides home from dates go. I only listen to romantic music when I'm feeling happy and hopeful, and most of my dates end in discouragement, boredom, or sadness. This was the first date in years in which I had driven home with romantic music. By the time I arrived home, I had already received a message from him thanking me for the lovely evening, checking that I had arrived home, and letting me know what a lovely time he had had. He even sent me a photo of his fireplace which he later felt embarrased by. "I shouldn't have tried to impress you with my fireplace. I'm so much more than that," he said. The day after, I was elated. I made the mistake of talking about him after only one date. Talking about a man after date one is dangerous territory. It almost never amounts to more dates or a long-term relationship. Each time, I tell myself that I will keep it to myself until it is really something to talk about, but each time I feel excited, I believe that this one could be the one, and I talk. I told my mom, my aunt, and a friend. Of course, my mom and aunt asked numerous times afterwards, and when the time came to say "There's nothing more to talk about," of course, once again, I felt defeated and cursed. The week after the first date left much promise. The day after the first date, he texted me. "Just for the record, I'm planning to ask you out again. I'm just waiting to confirm family birthday plans. Nonetheless, are you free Friday?" I knew I had my graduation hike for my hiking course I had spent four months working towards on the Saturday after the Friday he spoke of. It would require waking up at 3am and being ready for an arduous 20 mile excursion. I was willing to let that go for the potential man of my future. In the past, I had said no to dates because I had had something else planned. "This is my priority right now and I have to put it first," I thought. So, I agreed to Friday, being perfectly willing not to graduate from my course. In the end, we had our picnic on Saturday because my friend Lisa asked me to a concert Friday, and I figured if I wasn't going on my hike anyway, I could attend. Nathan had no problem with Saturday. I began the second date with wine as well. This time, I was slightly nervous because I knew I liked him. I was also excited because I felt that this was going to turn into something and that he really liked me. I constantly forget that even when a man seems to like you, his switch can turn off at any moment. That is not the case for me. Perhaps this is a lesson not to drink before a date (or at least not before the early dates). I cannot recall exactly, but it is possible that I said or did something due to not being fully present. In all honesty, there is nothing I recall that was blatantly outlandish, and if there had been, I would hope he would have the decency to talk to me about it, rather than simply write me off... but that did not occur. The date began well. He arrived with a very thoughtful picnic spread of red wine and other items that he knew I liked such as cheese and Spanish nuts. He told me his Mom had recently been diagnosed with breast cancer, that his brother did not choose to go to his birthday celebration, that a man at Metropolitan Market was not wearing his mask and that he felt that was unkind, and that he was feeling nervous about his schedule with his embarking MBA program. Once he started talking about the daunting schedule he would soon face, I knew something had altered. I asked if he was trying to tell me he no longer wanted to see me and he said no. Yet, saying no is easier than saying the truth. He suggested that we leave at 8:30 because his butt was starting to hurt. Of course, we could have gone somewhere else but that was not suggested. When we parted ways, I knew that something had changed and I did not know what it was. I left that evening despondent, a sharp contrast to only one Saturday prior. There was no romantic music on that ride home. The following Thursday arrived and I had heard nothing from him. I know enough at this point to understand that if a man is not in touch, he is not interested and there is very little that will change his mind. I was surprised, though, that considering we knew people in common, he would ghost me. I decided to reach out. Diana helped me craft a message that was kind and showed interest. We also decided that there was a good chance nothing would come of it, and I needed to be prepared. "Hey Nathan, Thank you so much for the thoughtful picnic. It meant a lot to me. I hope your MBA is going well and your finger is healed. I was really enjoying getting to know you and would love to see you again." Three hours later I received: "Hey! Sorry, just got out of class. It's going well but a lot and the finger is healed. Yes def get together again." Diana and I didn't think this was good news. The only good news was that in times past, I would have held on to the hope of him writing back and seeming to want to get together. Now, I know that his change in patterns and lack of specific date are not good signs. I'm pretty disappointed in his behavior. I think he could at least be honest. He is hyprocritical in stating that the apps do not lend themselves to people taking time to get to know one another, and now, he did just that. He wrote me off without a word and with so little time.